he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
