and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I will be naked everywhere
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
