He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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