saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
