2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
