pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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