you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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