Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
