I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
