No stitches, just platelets and will power
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
