there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
