How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
