if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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