Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
