So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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