community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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