you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
