ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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