Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
