Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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