Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
