Just fell off a train. Bad.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
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