you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
