Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
