I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
He felt like a one man threesome
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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