Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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