he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I want her autograph on my taint
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My dick has a subreddit
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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