oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
The uberlube is also flammable
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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