he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
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