he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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