Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
