Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
