i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
All the doctor said was why
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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