; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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