I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
