the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
