uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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