Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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