So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
