My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
