Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
