Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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