If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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