porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
