so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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