Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
