I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
