Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
The air taste purple.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
