so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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