no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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