You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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