bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
