She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
