is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
