I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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