literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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