at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
