So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
