just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
